We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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