I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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