Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
