haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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