First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
