just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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