i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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