I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
