Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
