I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
