after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
