I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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