I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
