i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
