I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
