I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
