glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
