I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
