i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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