Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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