For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
