Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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