just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
