god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
