her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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