Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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