remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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