dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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