Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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