Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
