Where is the hickey?
oh god the rape fog is back!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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