i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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