i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
