Your tits are I can't wait for
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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