addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Pooping to opera.
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