Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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