why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
