so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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