so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
