So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
