explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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