i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
