you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
