So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
