Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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