she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
