What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
