is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
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