he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
