Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
