I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
